Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
