I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
that may or may not have been my penis.
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