I'm eating all of the evidence.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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