So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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