there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
