I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
