you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
