Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
