Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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