He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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