Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
