This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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