You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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