Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
