I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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