wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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