Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
