they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
