I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
