He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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