Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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