Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
