My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
