good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
