It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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