I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
