the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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