The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
