Tell her she can't have a vagina
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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