Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
