Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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