Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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