just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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