We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
