Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
