Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
