Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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