OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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