I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
