Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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