well I can't set my house on fire every night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
