I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
