My room smells like vodka and shame
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
