Don't make out with my wife yet
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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