All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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