idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
