I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
