dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
