Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
