that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
