I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
