call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
